What does a number matter?

I'm throwing in the towel with the whole weight tracking thing.  It has gotten me no where but to be unhealthily focused on my weight and what I put in my body.  I had this magical number in my head of where I wanted to be.  Where I needed to be to fit back into my favorite jeans.  Forget it.  I'll buy a new pair of jeans. 

A few days ago, I noticed the quote at the top of my blog....  "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished busines, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."  This is how I viewed this current weight loss fixation--life would just get better/be better if I lost 20 pounds.  No it won't.  It's just fine now.  If anyone has a problem with what size I'm wearing-that's their problem.  I don't need to make it mine.  

As far as I know I'm healthy.  Right now I am within 20 pounds of the weight listed on my license...a weight that I don't think has changed since I was 16.  That was 21 years and 2 children ago.  I should feel good about that.  If I need to buy a new pair of jeans and toss the old favorites, so be it.  (But dang those were expensive jeans!  OK stop it Lisa.)

I know what I need to do to feel good.  What I need to eat.  How I need to move.  If I blow it one weekend, who cares? 

There are obstacles to this.  The times when I will still be down on myself and how I look and forget the bigger picture.  The guilty feelings.  Other people.  What they say and what they don't say and what they say to other people.  Forget them. 

The biggest challenge is what I say to my kids.  How I model proper health, fitness and nutritional issues. How my daughter views her body.  How my son views his.  What they say to other people.  What the other people say or don't say or say to other people about them.  That's all I need to focus on.  Keeping myself and my family healthy and feeling good about ourselves regardless of what the weight on a scale says.